its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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