OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
