Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
