maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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