Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
