she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
