Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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