i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
