stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
