i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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