I seem to have left my pride at pride
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
