with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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