You really coming over, don't trick.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
