I hate your face
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
