Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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