I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
