hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize