I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
