im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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