Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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