summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
