just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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