Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i think my tv is drunk
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
