Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
