My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
