so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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