dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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