don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize