There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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