I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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