it wasn't lemon gatorade
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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