I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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