My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
