my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the day after is always just damage control
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize