Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
