Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
