Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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