Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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