hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
