your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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