walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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