She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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