Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
