I could make wine with my vomit
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
