I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
