Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
