We won't sleep together?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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