I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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