he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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