If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
