So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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