It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
