just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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