woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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