Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say Iām growing up
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