nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
