I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
