never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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