I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
