I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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