okay pat passed out under dana's car
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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