What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
