Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
