First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
