I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
