It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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