Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
a search helicopter?!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
