He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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