Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
