I look better un-naked...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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