i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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