none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just cropdusted the office
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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