My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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