You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
