May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
