i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you win again, gameday.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
