I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
that is very illegal...i love you.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
