i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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