i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
