I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
