just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
