genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
