I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
